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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898724">Still</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_fish/pseuds/silver_fish'>silver_fish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Of Storm and Ash [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Saga of Light and Dark - T. J. Chamberlain, Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Late Night Conversations, Multi, Nerissa has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, trauma anniversary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:07:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898724</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_fish/pseuds/silver_fish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They have been through everything together.</p><p>But there was one place even they could not follow her to; after all this time, Emmet can still see the weight of the Underworld in her eyes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ada Archer/Emmet Pomlei/Nerissa Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Of Storm and Ash [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Still</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceCreAMS/gifts">KrisseyCrystal (IceCreAMS)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><a href="https://twitter.com/laphicets">twitter</a> / <a href="https://kohakhearts.tumblr.com">tumblr</a></p><p>so uh...the vibe of this was inspired by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=digOSrlGNMc">this song</a>. i tried to balance soft and sad here but i may have tipped the scale the wrong way slightly AHSDFGHJSK. either way, thank you krissey for the prompt!!! it was a lot of fun and also i got the chance to write something with, i think, a lot less dialogue than usual, so! i enjoyed it immensely.</p><p>i’m very indecisive about this aspect of the plot, but it is a possibility it’ll wind up in the final draft. also a possibility it won’t! who knows. i'm just here for a good time. either way, this happens well after the referenced event. the not canon compliant tag mostly refers to the fact that it is inconsistent with the planned epilogue. otherwise, it doesn’t fit into the novels at all, because the characters are quite a bit older here! nerissa and emmet are 19 and ada is 20. poseidon isn’t featured prominently here by any means, but he’s 15. as a result, this is pretty retrospective and the characters are at the very end of their arcs plus some, so yeah. spoiler warning, obviously, but enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night was still.</p><p>Despite the quiet, despite the calm, Emmet did not need to think about why he had awoken; there was a space beside him that had been occupied before but was now cold and empty. On the other side of that spot was Ada, her breathing the only thing to break through the gentle hum of the summer night.</p><p>He debated briefly whether he should just leave her and go back to sleep, but knew it would be a fruitless effort if he even tried. It was, after all, the beginning of Ilios. They had known this would happen.</p><p>Carefully, so as to not disturb Ada, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and rose, warm feet against cold wood floor. It was almost a relief, however; in the depths of summer, the air was thick, hot, stifling but surely not so much for Emmet as for Nerissa.</p><p>They always left the doors open, so it was easy enough to sneak out of the room. Unsurprisingly, he did not need to go very far to find her.</p><p>Across the hall from their room, Nerissa turned as he stepped out; her hands were raised, her whole body tense, but as recognition flickered in her eyes, she relaxed again.</p><p>“Sorry,” she murmured, nearly as quiet as the night itself.</p><p>He inched towards her until she was close enough to touch. In front of them was Poseidon’s room, where, though he could not see past Nerissa, Emmet was sure he slept soundly.</p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry,” he whispered back. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Her gaze drifted away from him, back to where Poseidon was. They always left the doors open, so she never worried about waking him in the night like this. Emmet honestly couldn’t say how often she did this, but it was probably far more often than the amount of times he had caught her in the act.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she said, but Emmet hadn’t really asked because he thought she would give a truthful answer anyway.</p><p>He reached over to grab her hand, gently, carefully, knowing that on days—nights, rather—like this she was easier to startle, far more scared than she would ever like to admit.</p><p>He tugged her away from the entrance to Poseidon’s room. Though she said nothing, her protest was clear in the sudden stiffness of posture, in the sharp look she sent his way.</p><p>“He’s all right, isn’t he?”</p><p>“Well—I…I think so, but—”</p><p>“Nothing will hurt him here,” Emmet insisted, trying for the soothing tone Ada was always suggesting he use with Nerissa when she got like this.</p><p>It was not as if he and Ada were completely trauma-free themselves. Sometimes, still, Emmet woke with a pain in his knee like it had been on that day all those years ago, the feeling of something snapping, breaking, never to be the same again. And Ada—Ada, their healer, their rock—still sat up some nights with hollow eyes thinking of her aunt, the one person in the world who had always been there for her but no longer was.</p><p>But Nerissa had always struggled with it more than they had. There were, after all, parts of Emmet’s and Ada’s lives that had remained the same from the beginning of the war to the end of it. Nerissa’s only constant in life was Poseidon, and she never seemed able to rid herself of the fear that she would wake up one day and he would be gone too.</p><p>Though she dragged her feet, she did allow him to lead her down the hall and into the next room, the kitchen.</p><p>“Sit down.” He moved to disentangle their hands, but stopped when she only held on tighter.</p><p>“What are you doing?” He could not have possibly missed the fear in her voice, even if he hadn’t seen it in her eyes first.</p><p>“I was just going to make some tea or something.”</p><p>She shook her head. “I don’t want it. Don’t.”</p><p>His lips twitched up a bit at that, at her utter disregard for anyone but herself. It wasn’t really a <em>good</em> thing, but it was something Emmet had always liked about her.</p><p>“I think we should have it,” he said. “It’s, uh… What’s Ada always saying?”</p><p>“It’s…<em>good for you</em>?”</p><p>“Fortifying,” he corrected. “It’s <em>fortifying</em>.”</p><p>She searched his face for a long moment, as if there were some other solution to be found there, and then sighed and ducked her head, dropping her hold on his hand.</p><p>As she sat down at the table, he moved over to the stove to put the kettle on. It had never really been his ritual, this sitting and drinking tea and talking, but it wasn’t as if he <em>couldn’t</em> do it. Maybe Ada was the one who had sat up with Nerissa on all those long and horrible nights after she had gotten her wings, but he could still look after her too sometimes. Gods knew she needed it, after all.</p><p>He readied two cups while the water boiled, a sweeping crescendo in the stillness of the night. When it was hot enough, he took the kettle off the stove; the stillness resumed again, only to be broken by the sounds of pouring water and then his footsteps as he carried the mugs back to the table.</p><p>He set one in front of Nerissa and took the seat beside her, pulling it even closer before he sat down. His own steaming cup of tea before him, he turned to look at her as her eyes watched the rising steam.</p><p>“I really am fine,” she said, though she didn’t return his gaze. “I just couldn’t sleep.”</p><p>“Then you must not be fine. If you can’t sleep, I mean.”</p><p>She laughed a bit, but it wasn’t exactly a happy sound. “I don’t know. It’s—strange. That’s all. Really.”</p><p><em>Strange</em>.</p><p>“I’m as old as she was when she met my dad, you know,” she continued. “I guess I’d never realized before just how young she was. Maybe I thought…there was no way I could ever live as long as she did anyway, so…”</p><p>Emmet really did not know how old Adrienne had been when she had died. Not quite forty, perhaps.</p><p>“It’s been three years,” Nerissa said softly. “He’s only fifteen.”</p><p>“I know,” Emmet said, because of course he did. “You’re not that old yourself, though, y’know.”</p><p>“Yeah.” She stared at her mug, but he got the feeling that she wasn’t really seeing it at all.</p><p>“Do you wanna talk about it?”</p><p>She took in a deep, ragged breath. “I don’t know where I would even start.”</p><p>But it was not a no.</p><p>“Why couldn’t you sleep, how about?”</p><p>The steam rose up and up and up.</p><p>“Asthrape went insane,” she suddenly said.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>Finally, finally, she turned to look at him. “Asthrape. From the myth. She entered the Underworld and got stuck there for eternity. If she’s really there,” she added, “I didn’t see her. But the Underworld is huge. I wasn’t looking for her, anyway.”</p><p>When she said things like this, it sent shivers down his spine. This casual reminder that, for all she was <em>just</em> Nerissa—his best friend, his girlfriend, a loving sister—she had not merely <em>acted</em> the god; she had <em>been</em> the god—still <em>was</em>, even.</p><p>He had been with her through nearly all of it. He could remember well, even, the first day they had met. Though he wouldn’t admit it aloud, he had liked her from that first moment, at the door to her room in the base at the Meadow when she had said—what was it?</p><p>
  <em>I tend not to extend my graciousness towards those who feel they need to ask in order to receive it.</em>
</p><p>She had grown up, though. They all had, whether they had wanted to or not.</p><p>From Aether to Erebus, from the Sea to the entrance of the Heavens and back again, between life and death and war and love, he and Ada had been there.</p><p>Except for this.</p><p>It wasn’t something she talked about much, either, and Emmet had never asked. Maybe Ada had, but he doubted that Nerissa would have told her anything, either.</p><p>But…she was telling him now.</p><p>Wasn’t she?</p><p>“You were…looking for your parents?”</p><p>Her voice was tight when she asked, “Wouldn’t you have done the same thing?”</p><p>It was not even a question.</p><p>“Yes,” he said.</p><p>“I didn’t see them either, though.” She furrowed her eyebrows, but did not drop his gaze. “I found them, in a way. But…but death is the end. The living aren’t meant to touch it.”</p><p><em>But I did</em>, she didn’t add.</p><p>“Before my mom died, I didn’t really understand Asthrape’s story.” She turned slightly, to pick up her tea. Her shaking hands did not escape Emmet’s notice. “Maybe…I missed my dad sometimes, but I didn’t understand how a person could disconnect so wholly from life like that. As if the dead could matter more than the living.”</p><p>She breathed out; the night was still, quiet, calm.</p><p>“I’m, uh…” He swallowed, suddenly unable to keep looking at her. “I’m glad you’re here. You know that, right?”</p><p>“Yes.” Still, quiet, calm. “I’m glad too.”</p><p>For a very long time, though, she had not been. Not really.</p><p>The sound of a creaking floorboard in the hall, light footsteps. Nerissa did not tense this time. Did not even turn to look.</p><p>Emmet watched over Nerissa’s shoulder as Ada entered the kitchen. She stopped a few metres away from the table, eyes heavy with her interrupted sleep, and seemed to stifle a yawn.</p><p>“I was worried,” she eventually said.</p><p>“Come sit,” Emmet suggested, and she did, pulling a chair from the far end of the table and carrying it over to set down beside Emmet’s. Wordlessly, he handed her his untouched tea; she took it without question.</p><p>“Nerissa, are you okay?”</p><p>She turned to look at Ada now. There was a distance to her gaze, but it was certainly not the worst it had ever been.</p><p>“I’m all right,” she said quietly. “Are you?”</p><p>For a moment there was nothing, but then she nodded. “You both were gone. It’s so late…”</p><p>Emmet looked to his wrist, but of course his watch was not there; he always took it off before he slept and put it back on when he woke up. He didn’t often forget, but tonight, apparently, he had.</p><p>“I’m sorry if we woke you.” <em>We</em>, she said, as if it were not her grief that had pulled them both from their slumbers in the first place.</p><p>“That’s okay.” Ada paused, then said, “I’d like to know what you’re thinking, if you can tell me.”</p><p>She was always phrasing things like this. It gave Nerissa an option to not share, but reminded her, too, that sharing was not merely for her own benefit.</p><p>And they <em>did</em> want to know. Really. It was not any different than the days they had spent with Ada after Avery’s funeral. Not really so different from the many long, uncomfortable hours Nerissa and Ada had spent at his side when he could not even walk.</p><p>Nerissa sipped her tea, but her gaze had fallen to her lap.</p><p>Finally, she said, “I can still remember what her blood felt like on my hands.”</p><p>Ada nodded solemnly. “Of course you do. But you just need to remember that you aren’t the one who put it there.”</p><p>A sharp, stilted breath. “I know,” but of course she did not. “I just feel...so…”</p><p>When she did not continue, Ada leaned forward and put her free hand, her right, that which was not holding the tea steady against her thigh, on Nerissa’s knee. Hesitantly, Nerissa uncurled her left hand from the cup and intertwined their fingers.</p><p>“It’s fine if you feel that way,” Ada said, though of course neither she nor Emmet nor, indeed, even Nerissa herself knew what she <em>was</em> feeling. “It’s tomorrow, isn’t it?”</p><p>Still, quiet, calm.</p><p>And then:</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“So we’ll be here. For both of you,” Ada added fiercely. “Whatever you need.”</p><p>Nerissa stared into her mug. “I don’t think there’s any way to help with this.”</p><p>“Well, we don’t need to make it better,” Emmet said. “We just need to get through it.”</p><p>The tea was no longer steaming, but the warmth it had brought between them had not fallen away, would not fall away.</p><p>“I guess.” She looked up again, and she was smiling, just a bit. “In the Underworld, all that remains of a person is their spirit. And spirits can only exist through memories. Once someone is forgotten about, they disappear entirely, I think.”</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t see them. I found them, in a way.</em>
</p><p>“The last thing she ever said to me was that was proud of me.” Carefully, though her hands still trembled somewhat, Nerissa set the cup back on the table. “I haven’t been perfect, but she didn’t want me to be. She would’ve been proud anyway, whether I had saved the world or not. Even if I had broken under the Heavens, she would’ve been proud. I wish I hadn’t spent so long thinking that she wouldn’t have.”</p><p>Her gaze was clearer, now, than when Emmet had found her outside Poseidon’s room. She was always getting better, of course. Perhaps, to her, it did not seem so big, but Emmet could still remember her, not even seventeen years old, standing tall in the front row of the memorial service. Her hand over Poseidon’s shoulder, as if to keep him steady, when of course she had lost just as much as he had.</p><p>Too, he remembered that moment on the beach, later, the exact moment he knew she was going to go after Poseidon despite her promise. The awe in watching her command the Sea in its entirety—not even yet having been blessed with true angelic powers—just to get to him. But, then, there was the fear, the agony, the sense that if he did not resurface, she could not have possibly gone on.</p><p>Though it was, perhaps, a bit selfish, he didn’t think that anybody in the world had lost as much as Nerissa had from the war. She would probably deny it if he were to say so; Ada would not contest it, but Emmet doubted that it was something she had ever really thought about. In her mind, it was not a matter of <em>more</em> or <em>less</em>. Everyone had lost something, and so it did not matter how much.</p><p>“She loved you,” said Ada. “You guys were obviously her whole world.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Nerissa turned to face them again, hands folded in her lap. She did not look upset, exactly. Thoughtful, more like. “Nothing really moves there. It’s nothing like the stories, either. It’s very…empty. Everything seems the same. I think that…maybe…for the dead, it’s different. Even in their own dwelling, they exist on a different plane than we do. Being there made me realize that life is more than death. You—you know, that…focussing on the fact that they’re dead and not the things they did with their lives…it matters more, so…I—want to remember. Because if her whole life is like…well, then her death is pretty small. Isn’t it?”</p><p>Ada blinked. “Is it?”</p><p>But of course Nerissa didn’t mean it was <em>small</em>. Not the way Ada was thinking she did, at least.</p><p>“She did some pretty great things,” he said, shrugging. “Seems like an impressive legacy to me.”</p><p>“I think so.” And from the turn of her lips, the look in her eyes, he knew she did. “I think she would’ve liked this world. But I don’t doubt that she’s watching. They both are.”</p><p>Ada went to say something, but was interrupted as Nerissa yawned. Mouth falling closed again, Ada smiled at her.</p><p>“Maybe we should get some more sleep,” she suggested. “There will be plenty of time to remember in the morning.”</p><p>Sheepishly, Nerissa nodded. “I’m sorry—sorry for waking you. You didn’t…”</p><p>“But we’ll follow you anywhere,” Emmet told her. It was easy; he had made the promise so many years ago, and never had he once considered breaking it.</p><p>“Agreed.” Ada reached across Emmet to set her tea down. Neither cup had been emptied, but Emmet got the feeling that tea at this hour was not really meant to be drank anyway.</p><p>Ada was the first to rise, stretching her arms above her head. Her pyjama shirt lifted slightly, revealing pale hips. It occurred to him, suddenly, that it had been a very long time since they had sat up like this in the middle of the night. Sometimes, certainly, there were nights where sleep did not come so easily. But mostly, if Nerissa wandered out, she would return shortly after one of the others woke up; if any of them woke in the night, it was easy enough to drift back to sleep, knowing they were close to one another.</p><p>He turned to look at Nerissa, who was beginning to look quite tired indeed. He stood and reached a hand down for her, which she took without hesitation. Once she was on her feet, he extended his other hand to Ada, and she pulled them both out of the kitchen, back down the hall.</p><p>Just in front of their room, Emmet stopped, glancing at the door across the hall before looking back at Nerissa. Her gaze had not drifted from him at all.</p><p>“Do you…?”</p><p>She shook her head. “I know he’s all right.”</p><p>He studied her closely, looking for any betrayal of her words, but there was nothing. Finally, he nodded, turning around again to follow Ada into their own room.</p><p>Ada sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, then flopped back, eye on the ceiling. Her feet still touched the floor, knees bent at the corner of the mattress.</p><p>Dropping Emmet’s hand, Nerissa came over to sit beside her.</p><p>For a moment, he simply watched as Ada smiled up at her, then grabbed her arm and yanked her down. They both laughed as Nerissa’s head landed next to Ada’s, her dark spilling out all around her. Ada sat up slightly in order to get herself all the way up on the bed, still holding on to Nerissa so she would do the same. Both of them slightly inclined against the headboard, she pulled Nerissa closer and dropped her head down on her shoulder with a sigh, eyes fluttering shut.</p><p>Nerissa met his eyes with a soft smile, then lifted her right hand, the one Ada had not claimed as her own, to beckon him forward.</p><p>He came around the side and got up beside her, back to where they had been before they woke up tonight. She turned to face him, still, quiet, and calm.</p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered. “For coming after me.”</p><p>He leaned closer and pressed his lips gently, briefly, against hers. Pulling back a bit, he said, “Any time,” but of course, by now, she did not need to hear it to know it.</p><p>The lights off, the door open, they settled down once again to sleep. All was calm, quiet.</p><p>The night was still.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments and kudos are always appreciated! xx</p><p>if you're interested in learning more about or reading my novel series, i post all info on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/laphicets">@laphicets</a> and tumblr <a href="https://kohakhearts.tumblr.com">@kohakhearts</a>! feel free to find me for general writing updates too; i also sometimes take fic requests on both platforms!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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